all right so welcome everyone welcome to las doctoras podcast episode something or other something like this yes here we are again still liking to talk to each other and hear talk about Yeah, things on our heart. I feel like we should say the date. We are recording on November 27th, 2023. And we are so happy to have a wonderful guest that we've been excited to have on for a long time. So please introduce yourself. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. Uh-oh, let me dial down the excitement. Just out the gate, like, hey, everybody. So I'm Sarah Stanazai. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and a feminist business coach for mostly other therapists. I use she, her pronouns. I live here on Tongva and Keechland in Long Beach, California. I'm born and raised in LA. My family is from Afghanistan. They came here 150 years ago. Actually, that's not true. They came here in the 70s. My sister and I were born here. So we're first gen Americans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. The important part. My big three. And you can probably already tell just from how I have introduced myself. So it is my season. It is November 27th. It is officially Sag season. So Sagittarius sun. I love me Sagittarius. I mean, I don't blame you. My moon is in Scorpio. My rising is Leo. i swear I was gonna say you have to have leo in there somewhere because you are bringing leo energy oh that is I feel like that's so sad that's a fire sign right yeah she's got like triple fire I mean scorpio is not technically fire but it's like fire water it's fire eat if you're going to have a water sign it should be scorpio If the rest of your chart is in. Is fire. Yeah. That's like a triple threat right there. I feel like that's like. I feel like it gives me a good balance of like. My whole life motto is like. We can be serious. And also. Completely superficial. Like you are allowed to do both. And people think like. well, I can't, I can't only, I have to only be one or the other. And what, what right do I have to do the other thing? And I'm like, no, you should do both. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. I can see it in all of the images I've seen of you. Yeah. And your practice. I love it. I love that you help other therapists mostly. That's. Yeah. That means a lot to me actually, because as anybody who has started a business knows that, it can feel very competitive and very, you, you like are worried about what everybody else is doing and you, and you want to like hoard your ideas and you want to save you. And I was also like that. And I think people feel a lot of shame about that where play their cards really close to the chest. It was kind of the therapeutic process for me to get to a place where I was you know, openly and generously like really help other therapists. And you know what helps? Not doing it for free. Say that, say that. I mean, so tell us then how like, Tell us your story. Where did it all begin? What inspired you to become a therapist? How did the Sagittarius become a therapist? I mean, they like to take care of other people, right? They're fun-loving. I wouldn't say they're the most nurturing. I would say that if you fuck up, a Sagittarius is not going to make you feel bad about it. Okay. Unconditional acceptance. Yeah. I feel like if you're in my circle, it's cool. I'm just going to pee my pants laughing at you, but it's okay. It's because I love you. And your moon, your Scorpio wants to know, wants to really know. Yeah. But I feel like there's so many different starting points. We can start with you know, when I got to grad school, we can start, we can go back and start to me being a middle child who always wanted to mediate and everybody was like heard and, and like everybody was taken care of and like super scared of conflict. I mean, we can go back to just me being born in LA and being you know at a time when people didn't even know what Afghanistan was like if you can I mean people still don't really know what it is but at a time when people had never heard of it that most people I remember in elementary school people didn't know I said something about being Muslim and they were like what is that like they had never even they didn't even know it was a religion they just they probably thought I meant lesbian or something but I don't know but maybe not. Fun fact, everybody thought I was queer before I did, so whatever. Same, same. But I think all of those things contributed to my story. I think even my, what was it? My adolescent awakening, the first time I watched The Crow and I was like, oh, I'm goth. I know who I am now because- like early early like awakenings and like celebrity crushes though that is like one of my favorite topics because I still I feel like about you okay who's your who is your celebrity crush like then and now well then it was definitely I oh my god it was the crow it was Marilyn Manson it was oh you know who it was it was Dr. Frankenfurter till the day I die I swear And everybody thought I was so, they were like, what? And I was like, I'm not going to say this again. Cool. I like JTT just like everything. But now I'm having my like comeuppance or whatever it's called. Now I'm being vindicated because people are like, wow. Remember all those people we had crushes on when we were little? And I'm like, you know what I didn't get? There's people out here on the Internet talking about how the Fox, the Robin Hood, the Fox cartoon was like their sexual awakening because he's like so dashing. And I was like, OK, he's a cartoon. I mean, look, this will make fun of me for like this little goth teenager. Like we're in love with the Fox. I mean, I will say Jessica Rabbit. OK, I was like. You know, I mean. And we all just thought we really liked her eyeshadow, but. Seriously. I mean, I know what I liked about her, but you know. You see, a true Sagittarius would be like, you know what? You should like whoever you like. It's not for me, but whatever. I'm liking this. We can add it to our intro, make it longer. So tell us her childhood celebrity crush. Yes. Well, my, my current adult celebrity crush is, oh my God. You know, I don't care. It's Sasha Baron Cohen. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, that man will take his shit to the extreme. Oh yeah. That commitment and like, you didn't have me introduce this too, but my My Venus is in Aquarius and it does not get more Aquarius. I'm just saying. Yeah, that's very. Like super weird. A humanitarian. I mean, I was going to say, like, when I've heard him, like, be out of character, like be himself. He's he's I get it. Like, he's pretty sexy. He's like, you know, he has this very, like, intellectual, you know, kind of swag about him. Yeah, totally. Yeah. What? You have to be really smart to act that stupid. Yeah, for sure. I remember watching him like in the 2000s, early 19th, late 19th. He was doing like Ali G or some weird. He was Ali G and he was like all these. Is that what did it for you? Be clear. It is not any of the characters. Yeah. I mean, having kids all I see is that Madagascar movie with my kid. Oh, right. Of course. I missed that one. But, you know, I'm not into cartoons. I guess that's my problem. Yeah. I think I should confess, I think Mario Lopez was mine. And I can't, he's still, he's not anymore, of course, but he does look pretty good for, you know, how old he is. I'm like, okay, I'm super basic. Like, I was definitely a JTT, Johnson Taylor Thomas, a Devin Sawa, and a, like, oh, God, I always want to say Jordan Catalano, but it's Jared Leto. Well, I mean, that makes a lot of sense to me, because Every, I mean, they're basically, they were queer women. I was like, I saw this. I totally saw this meme where it was something about like, you know, how did you know you were like queer? And it's like their childhood crushes are all these like boys with the like long hair. And I was like, oh. Yes. Hello. Very. Yeah. Totally. Totally. Lance Bass. Lance Bass. Totally. You know what I just realized? I think all of mine had in common is like dressing up. You heard it here first. I feel like there's some psychoanalysis we can do, right? I mean, Leo Rising, total like performative, like would love that about them. Yeah. Yeah. I would say my adult crush though is definitely Pedro Pascal. Like all day long. I still don't understand it, but I think I didn't watch the last of us. So I feel like that has a big deal with it. Sasha Baron Cohen persona. Do you like, do you like, what is it? What is it? The one that he dresses up? Um, Bruno, is it not at all? None of those are sexy to me, although I did love, um, Oh my gosh. Maybe it was Bruno. I don't even remember the names. I just love when he just pushes people. When he played the dictator or something. I saw all those movies in the theater. I just want you to put that into perspective because my husband loves those kind of movies. I saw the last one in the drive-in theater because it was during the pandemic. That is dedication. What does Sacha Baron Cohen have to say about the world right now? Does he do stuff like that? Is he posting those things? He is. That actually took him down a notch in my celebrity crush book. Not too bad. A little bad. But he's just very... He's taking... You know, ironically, I think he's actually taking a very safe route and just saying, like, oh, I wish... Wow. I know. I know. I love how we're just like we're just gossiping about our crushes right now Pedro Pascal hasn't said anything either like nothing like radio silence yeah I mean I think yeah he's just he's just said things like oh bring the Israeli hostages home and like he hasn't really really taken a stance he did sign the stupid letter about like whatever. There's like been 50 letters. I'm like, what are these letters doing? I know. He hasn't taken the strong stance that I wish that he would. Yeah. Well, I mean, honestly, it's been so nice these last 20 minutes talking about these things because I mean, life is just, I need a good, I need some good laughing. And I think, so actually, I think that's a good segue into something we kind of talked about right before we hit record was the idea of like, how do we I always say, like, how do we find joy in the middle of chaos? And I think, Thera, you were speaking to it of, like, how do – like, you were saying about people who seek therapy and, like, oh, I'm going to wait until, you know, life is settled. And then that never actually happens. And so we always – I know that for me, I tend to be – somebody who does that where I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't deserve to feel happier. I don't deserve to just live my life because the world is on fire. And it's like having to realize like, yeah, we can still have these moments of like silliness knowing that, you know, like there's always going to be a fire somewhere. And, but maybe we can kind of, yeah, speak to that, like as a therapist. Well, I think, I think like, people can hear that and hear it as a cop out. Like, well, what am I supposed to do? There's always something. There's so many people that need help. I'm just gonna ignore it and like enjoy my life. And that's a very different sentiment than I know fully that I'm doing what I can in these areas so that I don't have to do it 24 seven and be wrecked with guilt and have so much survivor's guilt that I'm not even gonna use hot water in my house. You know, that impulse is very real for a lot of us who identify or have directly seen our own people suffer from stuff like this, that I feel guilty when I use electricity and, you know. Wow. So we want to be able to pull back and it doesn't mean, oh, just stay willfully ignorant and, oh, I don't get it, all that stuff. It's more so let me make sure I'm doing what, works for me, what my values are. Some people are very much like, oh, I'm not going to just throw money at the problem and I'm going to get in there and roll up my sleeves and do things. And other people are like, I have a family and a bunch of stuff that I have to do. I don't have time to do that stuff, but I will actually donate some money or talk to somebody or raise awareness or something that I can do. And I just remind people that I have been reminding people for, like, basically the whole time I've been in business for one mental health crisis after another of pick something and stick to that. And when people say, hey, can you do this? Can you do that? And you're like, no, this is what I'm doing. And, you know, you can be flexible. You can add to it. You can whatever. But it helps people. you not feel like pulled in so many directions. And so you so overwhelmed that you can say, well, no, my thing is for me, my thing is I'm actually helping people one-on-one and in groups and I'm doing as much as I can. Oh no, I'm not going to be able to do all these other things. And I show up to, you know, events and marches when I can, but you know, everybody has the right to choose what that is for themselves. And then the rest of the time you do get to enjoy your life and it's okay to giggle about whatever and, to live your life so I appreciate that and love that so much because I think that um I mean it's you know all the rhetoric going around social media and there's as much as we like to think or believe that we can be nuanced on social media like I don't think we actually can. And I think that that's a big part of it right there. It's still binary. Christina and I always talk about like, how do we break away from all these binaries, right? So this binary notion of like, you're either doing everything or you're doing nothing. And so I love that you say, you know, it's not about being ignorant and being like, you know, but it's about like knowing what we do. And I always say, I know that where my values lie and I know that I'm always going to be true to who I am. no matter what. And so I, I don't want to feel guilty, you know, for not going above and beyond, because that's capitalist bullshit, right? Like, and that, yeah, like, yeah, I mean, come on, we're in classrooms, you know, with, with students, and that's our work, right? Literally, our life's work, committed to that. So, and yeah, children, you know, and just another full-time job you know trying to and all of those you know like we were saying before um being real but being hopeful like regulating so that I can help when there is dysregulation with my students or my my kid you know um And I think that what you just said, Sarah, was so beautiful. Yes. Like approaching it with this is what I do, you know, and being confident in that in the sacred gifts that we bring our activism, you know, for our inner judges and for the outer judges, too, you know. But to me, these days, it does. It was like as I get up and I say. you know, I am deserving all my affirmations. And then like, I am doing, you know, this, this is, this is my calling. This is where I give my energy this week, you know, and it's for the greater good of everyone, you know? And yeah, it's my activism. Yeah. Minder artist date. That's what I said. I'm happy about that. I didn't say like, Yeah. Oh my gosh. So many things. I know. But I think people are just, you know, it's falling out of my head. I'm sorry. And I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. But anyway. I mean, tell us maybe to like, I feel like, especially the content that you put out, you're a different kind of therapist. I'm sure I am because I'm just as much myself as I can be. That's the thing I think that is... Because I think that's something that we try to do too. I know something I try to do as a professor is break these notions that I somehow... know everything because I'm a professor I'm like I don't know shit right I mean I know what I know but I also don't know everything and I always tell my students you all know stuff that I don't and you know how can we create you know a much more like I always say like a mutual learning dynamic right where we're learning from each other and that's what education should be about but I think your content in terms of therapy is so, not just relatable, but like approachable. It's so real and you're so transparent. Maybe you can speak to your intentions with that. Yeah, I think, you know, my online social media presence has kind of gone through a bunch of iterations and I just realized like, you don't need to do all that. And I think people get really precious about everything, as they should. Like, you should be able to stand by what you're saying. I very rarely do I do, like, off-the-cuff stuff. You know, I don't have a huge audience or anything, but, like, you don't want that stuff out there if you're like, ooh, actually, I changed my mind. But I just remember... that I can change my mind and it's okay to say, oh, that's what I thought then. This is what I think now. And demonstrate that process for people so that they too know that you're allowed to learn new things. And oh my gosh, go back on your word or what you said and say, actually, I didn't know everything at that time. Like how sad if you're the same person you were five years ago. So, you know, it helps you see what sticks. It helps you figure out you know, everybody talks about their values and I know who I am, but how do you figure that out? You got to go through puberty type stuff. And sometimes like you need your community to reflect that back to you and be like, what the hell? When my second crush calls me and is like, Sarah, I'm so obsessed with you. I've noticed that you're in love with me. I'll be like, what the hell? Why are you like talking about this and not that, bro? We can have that discussion. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. No. I think the humanness that you're saying, I think that's what you were saying, Renee, too, to a certain degree. We're also trying to show that we're not just professors. We're not always on the clock with that work. You're not always a therapist wearing that hat. And at the same time, we could, right? We could wear it all the time. You know, but we also need to wear these other spaces. And we also need to dismantle perfectionism, you know, within us. I love that you're, you know, we recognize that in younger people. I think, I hope I have, there's grace, especially for students, right? I think, you know, you're learning. that's your job. But I think we are those, everyone is a perpetual student. We're always learning. And it doesn't just happen in our teens or tweens. It happens in our 30s and 40s. Yeah. I think that we are all leaders in our own way, either in our communities, even in your classroom or me in my session. I can't pretend that I'm not that there's not a power differential in that. I can't just, I can't, I can't stop at saying, well, I'm just like you or like, we're like, we're co-learning together. Like that would make somebody probably feel a little bit unsafe sometimes be like, well, like which one? Like, oh my God, I was relying on you to like take the lead on this stuff. And so it is a balance. Yes, we are all human and we're all learning. And to acknowledge we have the added responsibility and added responsibility Yeah. Power or like responsibility or whatever people are putting on us that we are volunteering for. So that we can't. again, I feel like I keep talking about, it has to be both like, yes, I can say, well, whatever, I can just change my mind and I'm still learning and don't look at me. But I also have to say like, oh, I recognize that like people are relying on me for something or like when I say something, it does influence people or people, you know, and I can't just say, yeah, I'm not your mom. Like you're an adult. Don't look at me. It's like, well, okay, but you are asking for people to listen to what you're saying. So you should have some responsibility for it. And that whether I'm, you know, giving a talk or a training to a group of people, or if I'm online, just like randomly making posts, or even when I'm one-on-one in a session with someone, I have to be very intentional about everything I'm saying and doing and what I'm picking up from the other person. that's something I remind people a lot in my sessions. Like I've said this before, but like sometimes people think like, is my therapist just like, therapy is just somebody like listening and nodding along and just saying for you. Right. And, you know, people who are new to it or who have never done it think that, and even people who have been to therapy and may not have gotten as much as they wanted out of it are like, Or had a not so good therapist. I mean, not all therapists are great. I mean, you know what I mean? Like I've, I've had many different therapists and yeah, I remember there was one who literally was just like nod. And I was like, are you going to, are you going to say anything? Are you going to respond? Yeah. And then they're like, well, I can't tell you what to do or I don't give advice. And you're like, okay, but like something. Something, right? What do you think of this? And they're like, mirror what I'm saying. Why is it important to you to know what I think about your situation? It's like, please stop. Like, okay. I wonder if it's very telling that now in therapy, I'll actually wait. Good. What are you going to say now? Like I'm kind of... But I don't know. I think that's it could be good. I there's like not a willing suspension of like I'm I'm critically thinking, which is OK, but I'm there to actually like cry or like feel my feelings. Right. And so I don't know if they work together in the same way, but. I appreciate you saying the responsibility factor. I think that that's something that we talk a lot about, the two of us, on this platform, on the podcast and with our students and having the education that we have, offering it back to the community, being responsible. What I tell people is it may look like there or I am like just sitting there and like entertained and just like oh and then what happened but you know we are constantly we're picking out which things we're gonna listen for and we're picking out which things like oh you've said that a few times and so we're not just listening like a friend or like a nosy neighbor we're listening as someone who knows your inner workings and you know other times that this might have happened that you might not recognize and it's like oh you You always get mad when people do that to you and you're like, oh my God, do I? What is that about? I thought just like, just go back to just listening. Like, nevermind. I don't want to talk about this. We're actively, we're holding all of these different like parts of the spider web together and like bringing them together. And yeah, sometimes if you're really good at it, it might look like, oh, tell me more about that specific thing you said. And you're like, uh-oh. Why is she going there? I want to talk about my mom. I tell my therapist, like, why you got to read me like that? Like, why did you have to call me out? We need that though. I've never had a therapist be like, okay, so then what happened? I mean, we all have our own different styles. You know, I will say one more thing is like, the same goes for self-disclosure or like, oh, I'm human too. And I think sometimes people have this experience as clients in therapy, which I've had, and people have told me they've had with me where they're like, oh my God, how did you know that? And the way I know it is because I've listened to you and I know you pretty well. And that's right. And also I've probably heard, this is a very common universal experience. I've actually heard this story a lot of times. No, not exactly the same. And sometimes the reason I know it is because I personally also have gone through it. And as soon as like all of those things count, you know, all of those make me the therapist that I am. But sometimes as soon as somebody learns that, oh, I've been through it, I forget all the other stuff. And they're like, you're just saying that because that's what happened to you. And you're going to try to make me do what you did. And like, maybe it's not going to turn out for me the way you did. And like, maybe you need to, you know, people will make up all these reasons of like, you Oh, she's not, or maybe this isn't right. And we'll avoid, you know, we'll kind of be like, well, this can't be right. Maybe she's just saying that because that's what she went through. And so it's really important. Again, when I disclose things, I'm very mindful of it. And whether people know things about me in general versus if I'm like hijacking somebody's therapy session and I'm like, okay well let me tell you about my and it's like okay relax but my own personal experience is truly only one one thing that I'm pulling from when I'm working with a client I'm also pulling from just all my other experience too and my training and knowledge and all the other clients I've seen and things that you personally have told me so yeah if you're the type of client who's looking for a reason why stuff doesn't work out or something, it can be easy to kind of blame that. But anyway, that's just something I've been thinking about. So, I mean, I like, tell us more about your practice. Like it just, I, I don't know. It just has me like, God, you must be like, can you, can we do a therapy session? No. i mean I think that's what we're trying not to do right yeah we're like let's not um but I mean because well I think it's important for us to say too how we met right like we know each other through through june right june mckay and we had the pleasure of being on retreat together which oh god that was like a year and a half ago now like was that 20 I think it was 21 was 21 yeah It might've been 22. I actually don't know. That's all a blur. I don't think so. I feel like the last couple of years was definitely a blur, but that was such a fun experience. And I think, you know, that to me, it tells like, you know, in terms of business wise, like we're coming from this very like decolonial, right? Like we're trying to do things business a little differently. And so I know that like, we know what we know about your practice, but maybe you can share a little bit about like what, you know, who your clientele is I mean you know like where you specialize and like your what's the word um my like what your values in your in your practice are yeah yeah I mean it's a running joke especially among therapists like your ideal client is often yourself or something that you've been through especially when I'm hiring other therapists And they're like, oh, I don't know who my, I would just want to work with anyone who wants to improve their life. And I'm like, okay. But I think it's important that we, it's helpful to have our own personal lived experience. It's kind of as mandatory as it can be that it is something that you have worked through. It can't be, it's a lot harder to do therapy with someone who is going through something that you are currently also going through absolutely be done hello like pandemic stress like we were not exempt and I'm not going to say like it's unethical or you shouldn't or whatever but I do think it's much more beneficial to your work and to your client if it's something that you have more or less resolved it's you know we're kind of never done resolving everything but if I have something that's very painful for me, it's going to be really hard for me. So I'll just kind of say that, but the, the shorter answer is the more I've gotten in touch and explored my own experience as a first gen and somebody who's you know, parents were immigrants and my sister and I were the first gen born here. How much that impacts our mental health. And I'm sure a lot of people say this, but when I first started my business in 2018, there was not a lot of people doing this work or even talking about it. People actively told me, they were like, that doesn't count. It has to be trauma. It has to be something else. And I was like, no, I'm marketing to these people. And it was really hard in the beginning, but I'm really happy that more and more people are getting into this and getting in touch with that. I think it's probably because it's more common socially, but also I think it has to do with like our life stages. And when we get to the eight, you know, I'm almost 40 and people start back at like, where did I come from? And like, why am I the way, you know, you're not doing that when you're 22. How did I become this person? So I would say first gen, I actually really, really love couples therapy. Yeah. relationships I really I think you learn so much more about people when their intimate partners are like right there with them you see their dynamic changes like I am a different person when I'm alone versus when I'm with my partner just socially and I think people get more honest because they're like oh this person's gonna call me out on this on the other hand people also you know people also become a little bit different versions of themselves. And so their partner might say like, wow, I didn't even know that about you. And it highlights for people like, oh my gosh, especially if there's distress, like if they're in therapy, it's usually because they have lost touch with certain parts of each other or themselves or something. And they feel like their partner doesn't recognize them or they don't recognize their partner, something like that. That is very, um, To me, that's kind of like the easiest therapy there is, which people laugh at me when I say that. Because it's all just like right out there. I mean, it's so obvious to me. So anyway, that's who I work with. But I've been really happy that I've built this team of other therapists who all have their own specializations and they love really working with neurodivergent folks or with teens or with people coming out of like high control, like religious trauma, people who are kind of questioning their relationship to faith or organized religion. So I think in general, what we say is at Prospect Therapy, the outsiders are the insiders. I love it. The more you know. Yeah. I can't tell anybody this and I need to figure it out somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I just feel like we're going so like deep and metaphysical. It just feels real. I mean, I think, yeah, I think it's so important. Like you said, I love the outsider side of the insider. You can't say it without that voice. I know. It took me years to realize that that was the... the missing factor in therapy for me. So most recently I have a Latina therapy and it has made a world of difference because there's just a shared language. And I don't mean like a literal shared, you know, language, but like just the understanding of, of the world and, in a different way. And it's just, yeah, it's like you can let your guard down a little bit more. You don't have to like do that cultural translation or, you know what I mean? And so I think that that's such an important part. It's interesting because I've had students who, who have inquired about, you know, because I'll talk about the importance of any kind of therapy. And they'll be like, well, how do I find a therapist? And so, like, at the colleges and universities, they offer, like, counseling sessions. And I'm like, I think you should take advantage because they're free, right? And... not all therapists right like you know I say finding a therapist is like finding a good pair of jeans you might have to try a few on you know um and especially when I have students who are like poc or queer you know I'm like and I i think at one point I had some like resource list and I was like you might want to find somebody that's gonna understand your particular experience and that can really be the difference you know Yeah. I think what's even more useful is sometimes people get really hung up on, like, I have to find somebody who checks all of these boxes. And sometimes somebody within your own community can actually be not the therapist. They might have stuff they haven't worked through, or it might just feel like you're seeing your mom for therapy. Like, I don't want to. Yeah. I think, again, we care a lot about identity and experience, but I also know that's not the whole story. I could talk a lot about this, but one advice I have for people is don't get fixated on what do they have in common with you, but ask them or have them demonstrate what happens when they don't have something in common or they don't understand, or you feel like they don't understand or What are you going to do when we disagree? And it's really, sometimes it's the case that I am trying to squirrel away from something. And I'm like, therapist, do not ask me that. Yes, I am resisting therapy right now. I do not like that. Like, please don't call me out on my shit right now. It is not all the time though. And a lot of therapists will be, I'll be like, you know, I'm not happy about the way you handled that. And they'll be like, well, is it because you're not ready for therapy? It's like, no, I didn't like the way you handled that. Sometimes it's not just like, oh, I'm avoidant or I'm true or I'm not doing the work or whatever. Sometimes it's like you screwed up. Yeah. This is good. I think people need to hear. I don't, I think I need to hear that, you know, that, that you're allowed to call out your therapist. Yeah. I think I can, I'm, I'm sure I didn't feel that way in the past and just kind of ended sessions and went to someone different, you know, and instead being able to say, Hey, yeah, I didn't, you know, some nonviolent communication, right. When you said that I felt this way, you know, cause I need to feel, you know, That seems really important. And for everyone to know. Thank you, Sarah. Yeah. I tell people in the beginning, I'm like, I'm going to be really happy when you come to me and say like, Sarah, I didn't like how you handled that last week. Wow. And they're like, oh, my God, I will never say that to you. And I was like, I mean, I hope you don't. But if you do, I hope you do come and say it to me. I'm guessing that you're coming to therapy because you don't speak up for yourself and you're like overextend and you're like the best friend to everybody else. And you never like get what you need. And they're like, okay, what is your human design? Okay. It's the first session girl. Damn. I think I'm a manifester. That's why I, I often start a lot of sessions, especially in the beginning. I'll be like, Hey, is there anything left over from last week? And most of the time I don't remember like whatever I need to talk to you about this. I'm like, that's fine. But that's such a good question. Like what stayed with you and whether it's something good or something where you're like, I didn't resolve this. Like, I don't like this. Like it's, that's a really good example of yes, I'm learning with you, but also I'm going to take the responsibility for what we're doing in here. I'm like that's such a good I think I mean I'm like I try to do that sometimes in my class I'm like so anything how does it all sticking with you since last time and they'll be like whatever um but that's I never even imagined that in therapy and and being able to I mean now I'm like man I've had some therapists say some weird stuff and I never thought about just being like hey oh my gosh I'm glad that's over can we talk about something else now yeah that's so and that's empowering I think yeah and side note you like are under it's perfectly okay that you just were like I'm just not gonna go back and see them yeah yeah yeah somebody to like work through that with them you can also just decide not to fight that battle today it's totally fine But I am interested. For most of my therapy life, it's been through school. And I've been in different schools and transitioned to different places. So I can thank Ferdinand at Long Beach State. When I was there for my master's, I can thank these people. But then I left. And then I couldn't see them anymore. And this is the first time I've been at a job or a place out a station in life for like 10 years. Right. So I have this opportunity actually to develop, um, bigger relationships with, um, longer ones with therapy and I want to. And so I think I'm at a place also personally where I could say something like that, you know, um, and just so that I have the choice and it's so nice, you know, to know. Mm-hmm. I think that's such Sagittarius energy to be like, just tell like, I'm such a triple water sign. I'd be like, don't tell me if you don't like me. Or like, like today. Sweet coffee, right? The sugar. So much sugar. My, I, today I was doing that with students. I was like, so, cause it was going to be the last time that I'm meeting with them. And I was like, so tell me, you know, what, what's, you know, what are you going to take away from this class? And I was like, and you know, what, maybe can I work? Like, I was so like hesitant to ask, like, What can I work on? Cause it's just, it's, it's, I mean, again, it's hard and it's, it's not that I don't want that constructive criticism is that I, it takes me a really long time to like process and not take it personally. But, but I love that, that you're able to just be like, yeah, just let me know. Like it's, it's, you know, I'm actually going to be really happy when you do it. Yeah. And you know, for that, for that question, something I ask in our, we do like little client satisfaction surveys, just we do them regularly. And I'll say like, if you could change one thing about prospect therapy, what would it be? And that way, you know, I don't feel all like butthurt about it. Then it's just information, which is true. It's just, so that's been really helpful for me. So we got what you want. I love that. I feel like, like Christine said, we've been going deep. I want to go back to the superficial. It was like, when I think we're going deep, I'm like, I want to go back to, like, I don't know. Just to, like, sandwich it, right? This combo. Where do we go? I don't know. Something fun. Here's a good question. And maybe this is in the realm, too, of, like, you know, what's your astrology? What's your childhood crush? What are you watching on TV these days? What movies are you watching? I'm actually re-watching one of my favorite shows, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I haven't even watched that third season, was it? Okay, so you saw the whole series. Yes. What are your thoughts on that last season? Oh, my gosh. You can give it away. Spoilers are fine. I don't know if I'm going to give it. I loved every season of that show. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. Anyways. I thought they gave the people what they wanted. I thought that people like we, you know, I really love like dark, tragic, heavy shows where it just ends and you're like, oh my God, I wish I never started watching that. Like Breaking Bad is my favorite show. Like Lost? Oh my God. Did you ever see Lost? I gave up on Lost. I gave up on Lost. I watched Lost to the very end. Where you just end and you're like, oh my God, this was. What a waste of time. I'm going to watch it again right now. I liked how this show ended it kind of gave us like such a nice it gave me a really nice feeling and it was like oh I would have been sad if it ended without showing blah blah blah or like having this and I actually haven't rewatched the end yet so I don't remember all the details but I just remember being like good for them like they did it they checked every box and it wasn't cheesy and I'm a very very cheesy like sentimental person so if yeah I like cheese Yeah, if people were like, oh my God, so corny, I would be like, oh, I didn't notice because I just thought it was awesome. I mean, yeah, I'm definitely, I love some cheese. I think I just got like, last season I was like, what is happening? Like, I felt like there was a tone, you know, that was kind of set in those first like couple seasons. And I was like, I kind of, I think the tone got a little lost, like the things that I really liked about it. But I always feel like this. I don't know if you've ever seen like Spanish language novelas, you know, soap operas, because they're different than English language ones that go on for like 50 years, right? Like Days of Our Lives is still on. It's still fucking same people. I'm like... Do I really care about them anymore? But in Spanish language novelas, they end, right? They have like a, I don't know, six months maybe or three months, like, and then they come to an ending. And without a doubt, I always, when you watch a novela and then they come to like the last few episodes, it's like they ran out of money or something. Yeah. They just try to, like, cram all of this, like, stuff, like, in the end, just to, like, wrap it up really quickly. And so you're like, you know, like, what? I will say, like, they're trying to do too much. That's what I was like, wait, what? Like, they were trying to get, they knew where they wanted to end, but in between, it kind of got weird. I would rather them do too much rather than them just being like... You put it together. We couldn't tell all of these stories at once. No, the show's just over. So I would rather. Artistically, I really appreciate like an ambiguous fill in the blank kind of ending as an artist. But as a like viewer and consumer of TV, I'm like, no, just tell me. Like if I were to make art, which is like the hardest thing ever, I would probably do the very intellectual like what do you think happened? Like, you know, kind of open-ended, but. Interesting. But anyways, I love that show and I love all of it and I can't choose a favorite character. Really? It is so fast. It is fast. It's so, like, little things if you don't pay attention. And those little throwaway lines are so funny to me. It was another show. It was called Newsroom. And it was... I forget who the director was. He's known for having, like, super fast dialogue. And I had to watch it a few times. I was like, what is happening? Or have you seen the show Morning Show? It's on Apple TV, so maybe not. But, like... Yeah, it's really interesting. But that, like, fast-paced, like, the jokes are, like... You're, like, you know, five lines and you're, like, barely getting it. Yeah. I kind of... If people are fans of, like, Coen Brothers movies, I kind of... Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Where it's, like, they're... You think it's just ordinary lines, but when you're like, oh my God, that's really funny. I want to confess that I was just watching a movie that was from books. It was called Shadow and Bone. I think that was the first one it was called. And I just watched the series on Netflix and it was pretty good. It was good, but it wasn't fast. It was really like, you know, philosophical and everything like that. What did we, I mean, what did we, Maybe we can all say, because I know that we all saw Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. What drew us to it? What was it about it that we really liked? I mean, the beginning was pretty good, where she just, I don't know, she writes out, she goes somewhere, she just takes off the coat and says it all, and then gets arrested, right? A lot of people recommended it to me, and from what it looked like, and honestly, from the name, I was like, I'm not watching this Downton Abbey shit. I don't know what it is. I didn't know what it was. I was like, I'm not watching this. But I was like, oh, I didn't realize what this was. And it was intriguing. And I was kind of worried. I was like, is this going to be one of those very heavy handed, like on the nose, women have it harder than those. And I thought that was so like very subtly handled. Nothing about that show is very subtle, but I thought that's not really, you could explain what that show is about and you could, leave that out. Which I wouldn't because that is what it's about. It's very accessible to a lot of people. It was good. I quite enjoyed it. Like I said, the last season I was like, I don't know what's happening here. I'm about to actually start the last season so I'll let you know. I'll give it a whirl. I'll do it. I know, you haven't seen it. What's her dad's name, the actor? Oh, Monk. What's his name? Tony Shalhoub. He's one of my favorites. Tony Shalhoub accidentally takes communion. I mean, it does not get to him. He's running away. He's running away from people and then he gets caught up and he gets put into a church and he's like, before I knew it. And he's like, the most foolish person. No, he didn't. He just has it. He's like, I don't know what to do with this. Yeah. The mom was so good too. Like I was like, I mean, I loved her, but I was also kind of like, oh my God, like you need to chill out. Like she was like, I mean, the parents are both super high strung. Yeah. And then the, the manager, what is her name? Susie. Oh my gosh. So good. Unbelievably good. When they go to the Catskills and then you look over and Susie's like in the employee show at the Catskills and you're like, what the heck? Girl, how did you do this? No, it was the episode where Midge, right, takes her to like a lesbian bar and she like didn't figure it out until like halfway through. She's like, wait, where are we? It is. It was a cameo by John Waters, by the way. Oh, wow. Yeah, that was a good one. Thank you so much for coming and being with us for this really beautiful conversation. Honestly, it feels so silly here and it's so lovely. And then also just really helping us understand your work a little bit more too, you know, and what you bring. So grateful. Thanks for having me. Tell our listeners where they can find you, where they can, if they want to work with you, all that stuff. Oh, yes. So you can find me at prospecttherapy.com. My Instagram is prospecttherapy also. And most of my groups are actually on my coaching website, which is sarahstanazite.com. Awesome. Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you. I mean, we should really be getting together because we're all local. Can we get together? You can come. Yes, you can come see my beautiful apartment. Alrighty. Okay. Thank you.
